Derek is broken
Lydia Martin loved someone. That’s it. And it wasn’t especially dignified, and he didn’t always treat her well, and most of the time he’s an asshole to pretty much everyone, but she loved him.
And it saved the lives of at least nine people, and that’s not even counting the people who’d have died if he’d gone on as the kanima to find another master.
And I have to wonder if Derek was jealous.
Not because he wants either of them, but because she fell in love and saved nine people and he fell in love and destroyed eleven. Thirteen if you count him and Laura and honestly you probably should.
Sometimes I think about how thoroughly circumstances have come together to show Derek, time and again, that there’s something wrong with him, that his love is meaningless or destructive where others’ is pure and healing, that he can’t be cared for the way other people are cared for, and it makes me want to scream.