12x12 Cas tells Dean he loves him, then backtracks and nearly dies of black goo but is saved
15x18 cas finally tells dean he loves him romantically with no backtracking, then dies from black goo and is not saved
I didn’t need to put these together…
Dean’s reply could’ve saved him, was supposed to save him… the black goo was cas’s own depression and feelings of unworthiness devouring him, and the remedy was supposed to be the reply, the acknowledgement, the confirmation that Cas was loved too, that he was worthy. And then they didn’t let him speak again.
^^^
Legit because the empty was manipulating cas to believe it wasn’t requited. Imagine that scene if only they let dean finally speak.
Exactly, as it stands it’s like
“There’s nothing for you there Cas”
“I can never have what I want”
“Dean desperately wants to be loved and I desperately want to love him but we can’t for reasons”
Cas:
The End
lol then throw in 15.20 for Dean’s only response to this:
Sorry, I should have finished this before the Holidays, and posted here days ago!
But you know, life is hard and I had lots of issues before the end of 2020. But I loved that fic since I first read it, one year ago, and I had the entire comic in my mind and some pages sketched and never finished! So, I wanted so much to finish it!
I saw this reply and i marely passed out, because.. do we really know the hero who introduced the concept of destiel to Misha?
It doesn’t play out exactly like Misha remembers but this is it
Timestamp: 3:12 when Misha begins talking to Tracy, she asks a question while he tries to remember her name
Timestamp: 4:46 when he starts referencing her livejournal (it previously had “woo” somewhere in the url)
After the panel, he asked for her to come into his autograph signing and they ended up on a milkshake date for the rest of the signing
UPDATE: got a hot anon tip saying this is the actual fic he read
tracy.livejournal.com/68504.html i don’t know how they know this information or even if it’s true but do with this what you will
Rating: T Words: 14k Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Human Castiel, Fluff, POV Castiel, First Kiss, Background Case, Fluff and Angst, but only a little bit of feelings-adjacent angst because these guys can be idiots, Pie, Bees, but to be fair this is imitation pie Summary: For years, “Goin’ out for a drink” had been Dean’s standard excuse whenever he needed a little time alone. When Cas raised him from Hell and was ordered to keep an eye on the Righteous Man, Dean’s strange little ritual escapes from the drudgery and horror of his everyday life intrigued the angel. He’d secretly watched the man who was destined to save the world try to save himself, one small adventure at a time, and learned some of his greatest lessons in what it means to be human in the process. Ten years later, he figured it was about time to come clean– for both of them.
It had been several weeks since Cas had fallen from Heaven and landed permanently in the bunker when the opportunity he’d been looking forward to with equal measures of anticipation and dread finally came to pass. Cas had been watching over Dean Winchester for nearly ten years, and he knew almost all of Dean’s secrets. This one in particular had long intrigued him, mostly because it was something that Dean had never shared with anyone , and Cas wasn’t sure how Dean would take the news that he’d been in on his most closely guarded secret all along.
In the beginning Cas hadn’t comprehended that it was even supposed to be a secret. His assignment from Zachariah had been to observe and report on Dean’s activities. It had given him ample opportunity to learn that there were some things that Dean went to great pains to conceal. Cas may not have understood his reasons at first, but he’d done his best to respect Dean’s personal space to the best of his ability, and never mentioned these unusual occurrences to anyone– including Dean. As the years went on, it became just one more aspect of Dean that he’d grown to admire.
Now that he was human too, and spending nearly all his time in Dean’s company, he thought it might finally be something he could share with Dean for real, instead of as Dean’s invisible shadow, or his guardian angel.
They’d driven all the way out to the northern California coast to hunt a creature who’d flung a few hikers off a mountain trail and chased several others across a remote stretch of recently washed-out hillside. It turned out to be the vengeful spirit of a gold rush miner. The trickiest part of the hunt was finding the old collapsed mine shaft where the man’s bones had been hidden for nearly a century before the cranky ghost was roused from his rest. A rockslide had dislodged about half his skeleton, and finding the other half buried in the rubble of a treacherously shifting cliffside while also dodging a pickaxe-wielding spirit had meant several days of rather unconventional grave digging under the relentless July sun. In some ways it was easier than digging straight down into hard packed earth, but tunneling sideways into an unstable hillside perched a few hundred feet above a rocky trickle of a creek bed had put their endurance to the test. After two days of illegally camping out by the site and then hiking back out of the wilderness with all their gear– minus a few pounds of salt, a gallon of gasoline, and pretty much every scrap of food they’d hiked in with– none of them had been ready to climb back in the car for an extended road trip.
“I need a shower and a real bed, and possibly a chiropractor,” Sam said as he’d tossed his pack into the trunk of the Impala, and then stretched until his spine made several audible popping sounds and he sighed in relief.
“And food,” Dean said. “Something that wasn’t cooked on a stick over a campfire.”
“And coffee,” Cas added.
Dean groaned. “Maybe in the morning. Last thing I need right now is to finally get in a real bed and be too buzzed to sleep.”
“There’s always decaf,” Cas countered.
“If we learned about decaf from the goats, you can tell them I said they can keep it,” Dean replied.
Sam checked the GPS and found the nearest town with any sort of lodging, and Dean blearily steered them westward into civilization. He pulled into the parking lot of the first motel they came across, and nobody complained that it looked to be at least two steps up from their standard motel fare. After two nights camping in the wilderness, they agreed they deserved it. They’d probably only be spending the one night there, long enough to clean up and recuperate from their labors enough to move on to their next hunt.
I reblog this fic a lot, but today is Dean’s 42nd birthday and I haven’t written a new story to celebrate (I know, I’m terrible…). But I have been rereading this again, because it’s filled with Nice Things For Dean, and he should have a day off for his birthday. <3
something about season 15 that makes me go apeshit is that the ‘what is real?’ narrative never had anything to do with the brothers’ relationship. for them it was about individual autonomy, each breaking free. where 'what is real?’ came in was their love interests. real love, where it was never meant to blossom, was the only 'real’ thing in the canon. amara’s love for dean was not written. adam fell for an angel instead of his arranged lover, and together they plotted the downfall of the writer. the only truly organic force in the universe was romantic love. You asked what in all of this is real. we are. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I know that was real. Dean and Cas. Sam and Eileen. real. what they have, the ruling forces cannot touch. in a free universe, it flourishes. anyways let me get to the point:
….Aw Dean, you big, bitch-faced softie.  Sweet merciful Chuck, I’m free. This little comic (and please forgive the sketchiness) has taken me an eternity, but I HAD to do it because I was reading some fics and there was a mention that Dean’s bday is on January 24th… and it totally figures that Dean would forget his birthday (the poor lamb) so yeah. Now it’s out of my system and I can get back to real life. I think my fave part in all this is Sam… though half the reason for this was to fluster Cas back into Enochian. (Please don’t repost without credit, thanks, and sorry for scattered tags.) . . .
EDIT: To clarify: I would prefer you ask permission before reposting if possible. When I originally posted this, I assumed this was a given, but I was wrong.
So about 5x18 - The Point of No Return…It’s perfectly valid to question the use of queer subtext without any intention to explore it as an eventual textual development, and there was almost certainly no such intention back in the days of s5, but I have to say I’m still really fascinated by the Dean and Cas story there.
Dean lashes out at everyone. He tells Bobby that he’s not his father. He tells Sam that he doesn’t believe in him…and Cas? Well that one’s interesting.
“Blow me Cas!”
“The last person who looked at me like that, I got laid.”
*winks flirtatiously at him.
Knows that regardless of how angry he is at Dean, Cas cares about him, and he takes advantage of that by pretending to be hurt so he can blast Cas away and escape.
Dean’s taking Cas’ feelings for him and weaponising them against him, but in the process he’s sexualising them, because those are the kind of feelings Dean knows how to control.
The problem is Dean doesn’t get it, and he absolutely is not in control. He’s looking at the situation like “the nerdy little dude is kinda into me and I can use that” but the truth is more like “this celestial being, this creature built for faith, turned his back on all that he believed in because I asked him to, and as a result I became the only thing he believed in, and throwing sexualised barbs doesn’t even begin to put a dent in how betrayed he already feels right now.” I mean it’s like throwing a shot of whiskey onto a burning building.
By the end of the episode, Dean gets it a little more. I mean there’s no way he realised how central a role he played in Cas’ life, nor how devoted Cas was to him, I think we need to wait exactly 10 more seasons until 15x18 for him to get there, but he understands Cas a little better. In the future seasons there’s going to be a lot more exploration of how Dean and Cas feel about each other, but Dean never exploits Cas’ feelings like that again. I mean except for maybe in 6x20, but that’s really not the same thing because they’re both breaking each other’s hearts there.
And just as an aside, in case anyone wants to say that’s not what the underlying subtext was in 5x18, that’s the episode where Jensen makes the “we’re missing the gay angel” comment as well pointing at Cas/Misha and miming a blow job gesture
“maybe no one cares about [horrible event happening somewhere] but—” baby we don’t KNOW about it tell us what’s going on and then we’ll probably care because we’re not heartless monsters but i’m sure as shit not packing my bags to go on your guilt trip
Like a friggin’ ghost,
Castiel appears out of nowhere at the end of the table.
“What’s a ‘DILF’?”
Dean raises his head
from his book at the same time as Sam. They meet each other’s eyes across the
table and promptly enter into a silent battle of wills.
Sam raises his eyebrows.
Dean shakes his head subtly. Sam frowns and narrows his eyes. Dean frowns back and flicks his eyes pointedly
to Castiel. Sam purses his lips. Dean flicks his eyes to Castiel again. And then Sam wins the argument by
cheating, deliberately looking back down at his book on extinct South
American languages and doing his best impression of someone who hadn’t even
heard the question. He makes an exaggerated show of
turning his page and peering closely at the text, even making stupid little noises of interest like the book is the most fascinating thing he’s ever read, and Dean’s frown deepens into a scowl.
“Did you hear my
question?” Castiel asks.
Dean sighs, makes a
mental note to throw in a red shirt with Sam’s next laundry load of whites, and
shuts his own book.
“Where did you hear it,
Cas?”
“At the mall,” Castiel
answers immediately. “There was a group of adolescents and I heard one of them say the word to her friend.”
“Okay, Cas. Number one? Stop
spying on teenagers at the mall, it’s fucking creepy.”
“But I learn so much
from them,” Castiel protests.
“And B, ’DILF’ isn’t a word, it’s an acronym. It means…
well, it means ‘Dad I’d Like to Fuck,” he says bluntly, deciding to
just spit it out, because god knows that using subtlety on Cas doesn’t always have the
best track record. “They were saying they thought some older guy there was hot.
Usually you don’t hear ‘DILF’ that often though. ‘MILF’ – or Mom I’d Like to
Fuck – is a lot more common. It’s pretty popular in some circles, there’s
an entire porn niche dedicated to ‘MILF’s. Hell, I’ve even heard of ‘GILF’s before.”
“He doesn’t need an entire lesson on your disturbing porn-watching habits,” Sam mutters from the side of his mouth, without looking up
from his book.
“Hey, he asked,” Dean
snaps back. “I’m just being thorough – since someone here is zero help.”
“I see,” Castiel says,
ignoring their bickering. He looks thoughtful, like he’s pondering something. “…so I’m considered a ‘DILF’?”
“Christ, they were
talking about you? Of course they
were,” Dean mutters, rubbing a hand over his face. He sighs and straightens up
a little. “Not really, Cas, you gotta be a dad to be a ‘Dad I’d Like to Fuck’,
and your…whatever it is…with Claire doesn’t really count, you’re not
technically her dad.” He mulls it over for a second, then shrugs. “I guess you’re just an ‘Angel I’d Like to Fuck’.”
Castiel looks surprised and pleased. “Thank
you, Dean. I find you extremely attractive as well.”
It takes Dean about 1.6 seconds to process what just happened.
“Wait a
second – that’s not what I –“
But Castiel, the flighty bastard,
is already striding out of the library just as quickly and efficiently as
he’d appeared, apparently satisfied now that his question was answered. The bottom of his trenchcoat disappears around the corner.
“ – meant,” Dean
finishes lamely. He grits his teeth in annoyance and tears his eyes away from the empty
doorway - straight into Sam’s smug face and knowing smile.
“Smooth, Dean. Real
smooth.”
“….you know that’s not what
I meant!” he tries again.
“Uh huh. Whatever you
say.” Sam looks back at his book and turns the page again, still wearing a stupid smirk on his face.
Dean glares down at the table. “Wasn’t
what I fucking meant,” he mutters under his breath. Although he’s not sure if he’s still trying to convince Sam, or himself.
…and how the hell is he
supposed to pronounce ‘AILF’ anyways?
